It all began when I moved to Orange County, CA in 1972 and fell in with a tough bunch -- conservatives that made the John Birch Society look like a bunch of dog bitten, 1960’s liberal civil rights workers. We were still smarting from JFK and LBJ then, and our hero, Nixon, was riding high when we began planning how to take down the next Democratic president.

We knew one would be coming along, because the proletariat would not be able to recognize the true beauty of the New World order that RMN would bring about with our help and advice. Sooner or later, the underdogs would succeed in some sort of "time for a change" upset. Even though it would not be in their best long term interests, the fickle voters would install another of those cursed liberals, and then, we would take him down.

Before we broke up into compartmented cells for security, we had to decide the exact strategy to be employed. After some debate, it was obvious -- Sex. That was certainly a weak point in the preceding couple of Democratic administrations. We immediately began a "high libido" breeding program. After some initial difficulty, we succeeded in placing the resulting babies with comfortable, liberal families, to be raised in obscurity, undisturbed until the secret training program that was to begin in their late teens. Let me point out that we had to be prepared for anything, since we were dealing with crazed liberals. Both males and females were placed.

It is ironic, but our selective breeding efforts may have been too good. Our record keeping has always been pretty much a "shred as you go", memory only operation, with the left hand never knowing what the right was doing. A couple of years ago I ran into an old associate who worked in another compartment of the plan. He claimed Slick was one of our own, gone awry! Said the boy went amok long before our training program was to start, and we could never gain control. Well, no matter, I guess. Those crazy liberals have to come from somewhere. Back to the story.

Slick had already announced for the Presidency, some years earlier, at the precocious age of 16. We only needed to make sure he became addicted to sex. It turned out no action was necessary. Slick had the sex drive, style and class of Pepe Le' Pew.

Shortly after we went underground, the movement fell on heartbreaking times. RMN and his whole administration was being taken apart by the Watergate scandal. We were aghast, but realized that this was a marvelous opportunity to observe and learn.

Our analysis showed that key to the destruction was a simple-minded, easily spooked and manipulated herd of journalists. We incorporated this in our plan, and did our best to further nurture the most liberal segment of the press corps, since they are the most simple-minded of all.

We later concluded that our conspiracy was not the first. Watergate was the result of a long term, left wing, pinko, commie plan to destroy Republican presidents. It was brilliant. We have never quite figured out how they were sure they could panic RMN into the burglary, nor how he was persuaded to keep the tapes. We did deduce that a key part of their strategy was the introduction of USC law graduates and ex-Marines into the Nixon White House (again the exploitation of the simple-minded). The fact that some of these people had passed through the CIA appears to be just a coincidence, produced due to the flocking together of simpletons.

When Nixon fell, and Ford assumed the Presidency, we knew our time had come, abruptly and early. Ford wouldn't have the chance of a snowball in Hell. The press corps had tasted blood.

Thus, the hunt for talented, trainable and mature bimbos was on. We didn't have time to grow our own. We had a couple of pretty, succulent beauties just about ready to go when our movement was dealt a near deathblow. It had never occurred to us that the Demos would tolerate a moral person, even briefly. Imagine our dismay when they nominated Jimmy Carter! He turned out to be bullet proof, in so far as our conspiracy was concerned.

We were in complete disarray, fighting amongst ourselves. Nothing worked. We did manage to elicit that incredible "lusting in my heart" comment, but by then it was late in the term, and we finally realized that we had no role to play. It is not necessary to fight your enemy when he is committing suicide.

We reverted to our original long-term plan, continuing to place a few babies every couple of years. The experimentation and perfection of test tube babies and surrogate mothering was a real boon to the covert placement program.

We were amazed at how quickly further tampering with the press corps became unnecessary. The constant exposure to one another, the plagiarism, and the consequent inbreeding quickly led to self sustaining, absolute and total stupidity. We believe this situation is now irreversible.  Consider, for example, the constant interviewing of "newsmen" by "newsmen" to make "news".

After Carter, we realized we would have to develop an alternative to sex as a backup approach. Not that the likelihood of another moral Democratic candidate was high. We just felt better with some diversity. We settled on exploiting environmental whackoism as our backup position. The whackoism approach was quite consistent with our original exploitation of the simple-minded, and the press corps in place could be used without redirection.

We came to see that this approach has it disadvantages. First, it is sometimes difficult to differentiate between the truly whacko and the temporarily misled. Secondly, nurturing and infiltrating the whackos into high places has led to some obvious penalties as they energetically built a monumental set of new governmental bureaucracies. In some quarters this effort is viewed as a failure and disaster comparable to the environmental catastrophe with rabbits in Australia. (The soundness of our backup plan is, however, proven by Gore.)

Regan was a dream come true, but it was hard on our movement. After '86, many argued that we should disband, since we would never be needed. The only thing that held us together was Bush’s continued presence on the political scene. He had long been viewed with suspicion as a possible mole from the ongoing liberal conspiracy, and he bore the "simple-minded" stamp from his CIA days.

On the other hand, once the GOP nominated Bush, he had our full support. A crash effort was mounted to scandalize his opponents. We got Hart, but that other little wimp turned out to be not worth the risk of exposure.

Later, after Bush's horrendous tax increase deal with the libs, we felt the original mole suspicion was confirmed. Unfortunately the damage was already done. We took no action, Bush was doomed anyway, under attack from both sides. So we waited.

We saved ourselves for Slick, and our years of dedication have really paid off. No question about our success. He is severely wounded. Hillary really nailed us the other day, though. She had it pretty much right except that she didn't realize what an amplifying bonus we got from the press corps. An unforeseen byproduct of utilizing the simple-minded being the actual invention of "news" by the press corps itself.

ConConCom/OC